My thoughts on collegial engagement with the (inevitable) conclusion of how I think I'm awesome

Your colleagues are a lot like your family -- you can't pick them, you're not all working for the same goal, you don't have to take their advice but you have to pretend you're listening to it, there are hierarchies that do and don't make sense, and you are all supposed to live in the same house. I think of the family home like a Romneyesque mansion where some members hide in their rooms and only come out for meals, some keep getting their artwork put up on the refrigerator, and others are always vacuuming at inappropriate times. Somehow we're still supposed to be a family. Excommunication is not an option.

I think just acknowledging that is a step in the right direction.

Like my family, my colleagues can surprise me. I'm trying to think about the things that I love about history and about my job.

 I like that history is essentially about people. I'm not a people person but I'm not a misanthrope (those two things aren't binary opposites) and I like how by studying history you essentially study the spectrum of humanity. We can get all classicist and shit about it with Terence: Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto, or "I am a human being, I consider nothing that is human alien to me." The stakes are always about how folks live their lives and that seems important to me.

I like that there's lots of different ways to do history. My own training and whatnot has me with strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others and someone with different training and whatnot has a different set of strengths and weaknesses. We can both produce viable history. Actually, it's essential that we both produce viable histories because neither of us can do it on our own or even in tandem -- in order to have any value, the discipline requires diversity. We are longgggg past the point where the definitive book on Subject X is possible. I'm not entirely sure why so many of my colleagues insist on evaluating everything in terms of how many degrees away it is from how they would do it (or more to the point, if it's written in a manner that is pleasing to their storybook training). This frustrates me. Recognizing the value of diversity in methodology is actually fundamental to recognizing the value of diversity period.

I am aging (teaching 19-year-olds reminds one of this, often) but not yet aged (the aged reveal themselves to me on a daily basis as well), and one of the sheer delights about the whole thing is that you get a much better sense of what you're good at, what you could be good at, what you don't have to be good at, and what your weaknesses are.

Goal: remember all of these things and all of the above.

Conclusion: I am awesome!

 
 ps If Mittens wins this election, I seriously don't know how I'm going to react. It will be extreme and dramatic. I could threaten to move to Canada (# of people who threaten to move to Canada if X happens in the US: millions; # who actually do: 0. Babies! Way to walk the walk, people) but I'm already here and realize that a Republican win will fuck up my country too. I so hope this neck-and-neck polling is just CNN bullshit drama that, like most CNN bullshit drama, will not be real when the time comes.

pps E is on a plane, flying home to Montoya and me as I type this!  Steer clear of Hurricane Sandy, Lufthansa! It's only 3 hrs late so far but this will give us time to clean up the apartment.  And by us I mean me.

68 hours to go!

68 hours until E is back in the 'twa!!!! Can Montoya and I make it? We've been hitting the Cowboy Junkies pretty hard, alls I'm saying.

14 Days

14 days until E is back!!! Neither Montoya nor I can wait!!! He, especially, methinks because his life has been a world of suck since his 24/7 personal servant left him. He's like Robert Crawley after Mr. Bates went away -- bewildered and dishevelled.  Montoya doesn't use the phone, though.  I haven't started watching Season 3 yet so don't tell me anything about it!

At the halfway point until E comes back and almost exactly halfway through the semester.  Things are going as well as can be expected, really!

So today I have two things I'm thinking about, neither of which are terribly important or pressing but it's  Saturday and I'm a little hungover (Prof H's birthday last night, very fun).

1.  Because so many of you are parents or older and wiser than me, I want to plumb your knowledge. I live in a neighbourhood that's overflowing with children and family pets.  I see some things. This is a little segment new to the blog I want to call:

Good Parenting or Bad Parenting?

Scenario:  Father and two children (6-8 year olds, I guess) are out for an afternoon bike ride.  They are all properly attired in helmets and gear, are riding their bikes on the street, but are not keeping tight to the curb at all.  Car, clearly going too fast for a residential area, zooms by them, scares everyone, and jolts to a stop, intending to turn left.  Father rides his bike over to the stopped car and bitches out the driver for Driving Too Fast in a Residential Area Where There Are Children On Bikes.  Car driver flips Daddy-O the bird and zooms off.  Father rides back to his children and they resume their bike ride, altering their behaviour in zero ways.  Good Parenting or Bad Parenting?

A)  Good parenting! Father has modelled excellent citizen behaviour by stepping up and letting the guilty party know that they are the guilty party and that We Are Watching You and that bad behaviour will get an angry Talking To.  Children feel like Father has their back and is possibly bad-ass.

B) Bad parenting! The correct response would have been for Father to go to his children and explain how there are assholes everywhere and alls they can do is be vigilant and Look Out For Assholes and not expect all cars to drive by/around them amusedly.

C) Um, that wasn't parenting so much as Alpha Male behaviour.  Take-away message for children is either that Dad is the Shit or Dad Thinks He's the Shit or Fast-Car-Driver is the Shit.

D) I can't believe I read this much text and this is all it's amounted to.  Shame on you, D.  Shame on you.

E) Other (please explain).

2.  Here's another segment I want to introduce to the blog called:

Who's the Asshole?

No, this is not an alternate title for Two and a Half Men.  This is real life.

Scenario: My father and I don't really have the best relationship.  From the age of 8 until just a few years ago, I thought of him like how I imagine schoolchildren think of their schoolyard bully.  It's only since he's retired and has, I think, begun to feel old and irrelevant that he's also begun to be much less of an asshole.  His behaviour has changed so dramatically that I'm worried that he's been either diagnosed with some horrible disease he's not telling me about or is doing the 12 Steps (again).  Our latest email exchange is an example.

Oct 1, YFALF: HEY KID, YOUR MOTHER SAID YOU GAVE A PAPER THE OTHER DAY THAT WENT PRETTY WELL.  SEND IT TO YOUR OLD MAN AND I'LL READ IT.  MIGHT BE INTERESTING TO SEE WHAT YOU WRITE ABOUT.

Oct 4, D: Really? I feel strongly that it will cure all insomnia.  In the middle of my talk someone stood up to shake out their legs.  See attached!

Oct 5, YFALF: Brown Eyes: FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I ENJOYED YOUR PAPER IMMENSELY.  YOU FOCUSED ON AREAS THAT I DON'T THINK HAVE BEEN ANALYZED IN THAT WAY BEFORE. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU SEND ME SOME OTHERS THAT YOU HAVE DONE.

[D thinks to self: Am I being punk'd???? What the hell is going on????]

Oct 7, D: Thanks for this, Dad! Okay, you asked for it! See attached for a couple of other papers I gave last year and my job talk!

Oct 8, YFALF: JUST FINISHED READING ALL OF YOUR PAPERS AND ENJOYED THEM ALL VERY MUCH.  I DON'T ALWAYS AGREE WITH YOUR OPINIONS BUT YOU MAKE THEM IN A VERY IMPACTFUL WAY AND I ADMIRE THAT VERY MUCH. YOUR IDEAS ABOUT CREDIT ARE WAY OFF BUT WHAT THE HELL.  SOME DAY I WOULD LIKE TO WATCH ONE OF YOUR CLASSES.

[D thinks to self: um, those aren't opinions but okay, I'll take this.  WHAT. IS. HAPPENING?!]

Oct 10, D: Thanks, Dad! That's really great to hear! 

Oct 12, YFALF: I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT THE SPICE TRADE AND I THINK I WANT TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT.  YOU'VE INSPIRED ME, KID!

I haven't written back yet because seriouslywhatthefuck.  Has my sister hacked into his email account and is playing the best-planned prank of her life?  Am I a complete asshole for immediately thinking, I've gone to school for the last fifteen years so that I can become qualified to write this shit and you presume to critique my work? And then you presume to be able to do it yourself? I'm also a little miffed that he can be a world-class A-hole for 36 years and I'm supposed to be all elated that he's finally treating me like a human?  Have I become the asshole?  Is this the circle of life?

I have absolutely no idea what to make of any of this.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

A piece from the "Convos with Mother" files, dramatized for your enjoyment:

Poor Barb
by: D

I like to think that she is so traumatized by what is happening to her friend that she is in some kind of denial. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Send power to Barb!

T Giving already!

Dear all,

I can only apologize for allowing the blog to fall into ruin and decay! My job is leaving me with precious little in the way of interesting things to say beyond topics such as:
1) kids these days!
2) who thought University Decision X was a good idea?
3) can you believe the make-work shenanigan Colleague R through Z got me into?
4) omgIhavesomuchworktodoomgIshouldbedoingitomg

It is our Thanksgiving Break here in the 'Twa (all 2 days of it) and, holy crap!, I need it.

Update:

1) E is in Russia to do research on The Things She Works On.  All is well - she has an apartment, a cleaning lady who keeps unplugging her refrigerator, and a registered visa.  There are 80% less street food options in Moscow than when she was there last and that is a real pisser.  Montoya and I are literally counting the days until her return (22!) and it feels like all the sunshine has gone out of Ottawa.

2) All the sunshine has gone out of Ottawa! As I type this, it's pouring down rain and there are 4 roofing guys on my neighbour's roof yelling all kinds of important-sounding information at one another in French.  One of the Francos seems particularly angry/outraged at the situation. Another seems perfectly content. The one Anglo is roaming around yelling, "WHAT THE FUCK!" every few minutes and the fourth guy is whistling loudly.  If my brain had any juice left in it I might be able to come up with a clever commentary on how this is Canada (dis)functioning in microcosm but because this scenario happens every goddamned day from 7:30 am onwards it might just be another day in the 'Twa.

3) Lovely Jess asked me to circulate recipes I've discovered while on the WeightWatchers.  I'm happy to oblige.

Exhibit A

Weight Watchers Cheesecake

Ingredients:

2 rice cakes (extra dry)

1 tbsp of light cream cheese

1 tsp honey

WW points: 3

Prep time: 47 sec

Eat time: 33 seconds

Satisfying for: 18 minutes

Exhibit B:

Weight Watchers Pizza

Ingredients:

2 rice cakes (extra dry)

2 squirts of light caesar salad dressing

2 slices of deli meat

2 slices of tomato

10 crumbled bits of light feta cheese

WW points: 9

Prep time: 7 minutes

Eat time: 3 minutes

Satisfying for: 48 minutes

I invented the first one; E, the second. It's amazing how delicious these are after you've been on WW for months and months.

4) My adherence to the WW plan has been very, very loose since E has gone to Russia.

5) I dislike Michael Kors of fashion world fame and Project Runway celebrity for two reasons.  I feel like voicing them now:

First, the zingers he comes up with on Project Runway are deliberately mean and he only says them to get airtime on the show.  They are rarely constructive or witty.  When he delivers them he gets this look on his face like he's winning at Salon and it's 1788.  This makes me think he is an asshole.

Second, and a much more egregious offence in my opinion, is the fact that he wears the same fucking thing every episode.  WHAT A COMPLETE ASSHOLE! If you're in the fashion business, fucking wear it.  This is why I love Heidi and Tim Gunn: they are walking the walk.  Nina Garcia is perhaps trying to pull off the Michael Kors m.o. by not making terribly noticeable fashion decisions week to week but at least I know she's wearing different outfits.  How that dick expects anyone to pay for anything he's designed when he clearly doesn't respect the business enough to engage in it himself is beyond me.  Asshole!

I apologize for coming late to PR commentary but my fury at the Michael Kors cannot be contained any longer.  He's not even aware enough to be a hipster douchebag and his skin tone is the same as Schwarzenegger's. Dislike.  Why is he relevant???

6) Am going to take Montoya for a long walk and use today to relax! Step 1: 2 orders of WW cheesecake.  And maybe a side of bacon.  Step 2: ???

What to do now?

WeightWatchers update: On Monday, E and I began our weekly Weigh-In with hope in our hearts.  We had been good, mostly, and Monday was Day forty-fucking-three.  We thought we'd earned it.  Instead: devastation! Both of us weighed exactly the same as the week before and the week before that.  The pain! The disillusionment! The resentment! WW Online informed us that we had hit a "plateau" and basically accused us of incorrectly recording our daily points.  Oh, hell to the no! So we did what anyone else in our position would do: we drove directly to Canadian Tire and bought a new scale. I can now recommend that as the best dieting tip I've learned so far  (New Scale gave us a much lower reading than the old one).  I plan to sell all the old scales we collect on ebay.

Now that the Olympics are over, I have no idea what to do with all my time.  I mean, I have *some* idea but work doesn't seem that compelling and certainly not as gripping as women's soccer or taekwondo or even kayaking.  For my American readers, you probably were only vaguely aware that these sports existed at the Olympics but they do and Canadians were in them though, of course, not as gold medalists.  We won our sole gold medal in trampolining (which is an awesome sport to watch, fyi), and I'm actually really proud of our modest medal count because it seems a little more balanced and organic and sane than other efforts out there.   While I would have given it all up for commercial-free BBC coverage, in the great white north we had the enviable luxury of being able to watch all kinds of different Olympic coverage: CTV (who had the major rights to the games this time around, next time it will rotate to the CBC), TSN (our version of ESPN; it was allowed to augment CTV coverage), the French versions of these channels (which usually showed different sports), NBC (the place to go for commercials, Bob Costas, swimming, Bolt, and American women's gymnastics), and BBC highlights.  For sure, I'm not saying that all of this coverage offered a comprehensive view of the games at all - in 6 channels I still never saw anything about handball or field hockey, for example.  But I also never got up off the couch long enough to check it out on the interwebs so that shit's on me.

Things I learned:

1) All commentators, particularly the all-sport dudes out there who are sent in to commentate on anything from synchronized diving to steeplechase, are just Michael Scott and Perd Hapley.

It's not a matter of if they're going to say something offensive or ridiculous, it's just a matter of when and how many times.  Don't they have to go through some kind of sensitivity training?  Or worse thought: they've already done the training and passed with flying colours.

Moments prior to one of the main track events, CTV ran a background piece on the place of sprinting in Jamaica - how it's a massive spectator sport even at the gradeschool level, how a lot of resources are channeled into producing excellent sprinters, how successful sprinters attain superstar status, etc etc.  I was delighted because it presented a structural, socio-cultural explanation for how Jamaican runners have become so dominant in the sport.  Wonderful work, CTV.  Then we cut back to Brian Williams (the Canadian one) and he says, "You see? It's in their blood."  And all of that good work just evaporated.  I don't even want to know who Brian Williams thinks "they" are but seriously, dude, STFU.

2) Brian Williams (I'm not talking about the NBC one) needs to retire.  Right now.  If you don't know who Brian Williams is, you're probably not Canadian.  He has been a sportscaster, first with the CBC and now with CTV, my entire life.  No, I don't think of him as someone I've grown up with, I think of him as the destroyer of Olympic coverage for the entire nation since 1984.  I'm not just tired of seeing his face, like I am of Bob Costas'. I seriously think his work is subpar and his vibe infuriates me to no end.  Dick Enberg (yes, the American one) is an old racist artifact, for sure, but hating him is like hating vanilla ice cream. My objection to Brian Williams is in a different category: imagine the content of Michael Scott's brain delivered with the intensity of a motivational speaker/actual journalist and with no regard for things like irony or even contemporary humour.  Add pleasant packaging to that and it sounds like the recipe for a Republican candidate - but it's just Brian Williams.  Go now, BW.  Let someone else eff it up.

3) If Quebec ever separates and sends its own Olympic team, Canada is going to be effed in the eh/é. [I know, but I couldn't resist.]

4) NBC's coverage, of which there is so much written!, scared the shit out of me.  This has been said before, but I still feel like echoing it: the emphasis on medals and winning and Americans, to the exclusion of all else, even context, seriously, seriously, seriously, ironically, reminded me of when NBC's 30 Rock satires North Korean coverage of anything.  Yep, the difference is they didn't make up the news but that doesn't comfort me when you acknowledge that the two countries who won the most medals are the ones who invest in winning the most medals.  Maybe it's called "overdetermining the news."  Congrats!  CTV's coverage certainly had its tunnel vision too. I only heard the Chinese national anthem twice via CTV - how is that even possible?

5) Speaking of a questionable moral compass, one of the most disturbing things about CTV is that it, like the Globe and Mail, is owned by Bell Media (yes, a fragment of the old American Bell monopoly, still alive and well in Canada).  So we were tortured by "Olympic Twitter Updates" and the sad truth of what was trending on twitter is that it wasn't interesting or relevant.  Athlete A thanks everyone at home for their support, Athlete B pledges to do his/her best in the next heat, Athlete C is having a great time with other people in this photo.  The segments were always introduced as if this was the real story of what was going on out there, as if we were gaining valuable insight into the Arab Spring - which we were not.  The only thing it did was attempt to sell mobile phone contracts and justify lack of support for actual journalism (and possibly de-fang any subversive potential social media might still have.)  Sigh.

6) Sports are cool! I want to do some! I feel like my slowly, slowly shrinking 36-year-old body has some game left.  What? Where? When? Don't know but I'm on the lookout and have been reminded that there are lots of different sports to choose from.  Stay tuned!

Did That Just Happen?

Friends, Birthday Week was pretty awesome.  It's hard to recount all the awesome. It's hard to make sense of it all.  What I know for sure is this: today, I am sore all over and have a hangover, there are some pictures on my camera that I don't remember taking, the dog is exhausted, E can barely form sentences, and there's a lot of dirty laundry.

Where to begin? Oh, yes, I know: Wednesday, July 25th, 2012 - the day I went off my diet (or la dieta as we lovingly refer to it).  Before you call the dieta police, I'll say this: between July 25th and July 30th, I ate a lot, I drank *a lot*, but as of weigh-in this morning I am only ONE POUND heavier!!! It's a birthday week miracle! WeightWatchers Online gave me some passive-aggressive bullshit beginning with, "Your weight has increased this week. Are you happy with this result?" but it can suck it because I am *ecstatic* with this result.

Why Wednesday was awesome:

 Stunning salmon dinner cooked by EF.

 

Amazing multi-layer vanilla strawberry whipped-cream cake extravaganza created by none other than MH!!! Was amazing!!! Also, he brought this kind of wine and it is my new favourite, favourite, favourite: http://www.kimcrawfordwines.co.nz.  Drink it.  Do it.

I got a MOFO iRobot Roomba from my parents for my birthday (Note: yes, Wednesday was technically not my birthday but the mail carrier brought my present on Wednesday and that's when I opened it).  Pet Series!!! That's right, suckas, I have a robot vacuum cleaner.  It's a ROBOT.  It does my bidding.  I've named it Rex.  I *love* it.  To head off your first question: no, I will not claim for self vacuuming activity points that Rex gets. Second question: yes, I do know how to vacuum.  Third question: shut up! I don't have to answer your questions.  I own a ROBOT and it vacuums for me.

Rex is so awesome - it looks like he moves in a random fashion but I believe otherwise.  Expect Rex updates to follow.

Why Thursday was awesome:

My actual birthday!!!  So made of awesome, by definition.

It was the one day in virtually this entire summer that it has rained in Ontario.  Seriously, we are having a record drought here, except for on my big day! Other factors working to dampen (heh) birthday spirit: we had to go pick up E's mother in Peterborough to take her to Mississauga for E's brother's wedding on Saturday.  It could have been a disaster.  But instead, awesome.  Here's why:

En route rural Ontario attractions included this stop at the super-creepy abandoned Iron Mine of Marmora (not Moria, but I can see the confusion).  The "lake" is the hole in the ground that used to be the mine and it's filled up with beautiful, unnaturally bright blue, creepy, still water (no giant squid sighted). Rainy ambiance was best for viewing massive pit and there wasn't a soul around for miles.

Next we went to Petroglyphs Provincial Park which is actually a relatively small forest (that day foggy and silent with rain) and is on territory sacred to the Ojibwe people.  There is a massive natural marble slab in the middle of the forest and on it is carved sacred picto-text detailing Algonquin belief, created sometime between AD 900 and 1400.  Groups of young men would be led on pilgrimages to this and other petroglyph sites across North America to bond, mature, and be educated.  It was amazing to visit and I absolutely love the idea of the primacy of religious pilgrimage going on at basically the same time in Europe, the Middle East, and North America:

The site is still used for worship - how cool is that?

Then E (everyday with E is awesome, natch) took me to the Best Restaurant Ever - in nowhere Ontario (who would have thunk it?) and I had birthday gimlet, duck confit, and rack of lamb and was -- remarkably -- too full for dessert.  Fabulous, fabulous birthday.  Totally, totally go to The Riverhouse Co. to eat if you can.

Why the Rest of the Weekend was also Awesome in Unanticipated Ways:

Weddings.  Weddings, weddings, weddings.  Massive E Family time as her little brother tied the knot. I can't go into all the details but suffice it to say that E's parents, now divorced  and her mother remarried, hadn't actually been in the same room together, much less spoken, in a few years (though they both live in Mexico - that's another story).  It was *tense*.  Different camps were devised to create neutral chit-chat territory, different hotels were booked, a rotating chauffeuring regimen was put in place - talk about activity points! Her mother (who is quite a character and enjoys drama) has 2 sisters who are also characters and also enjoy drama and enjoy ramping up the drama on each other - just for something to do.  I have never been so thankful that my mother is an only child. One of her can drive me mental.  E lives in a world where there are 3 of them and their stinging powers increase exponentially when they are in close proximity to one another - like a version of Charmed where everyone is in their 60s (and E's mom can Shannon Doherty-out like nobody's business).

As E and her mother were checking in to the Holiday Inn the front desk clerk did us a "favour" and gave us adjoining rooms.  It was that kind of time.

At the reception, rumours flew that Steve (fake name for E's dad) was "gaunt" and possibly diseased - these rumours were started by Elmira (fake name for E's mom).  Steve struck back, loudly positing that Elmira had had some ill-executed plastic surgery done and declared, "That's not the woman I married!"  We spent many convos quashing both rumours but also secretly wondering about them.

What was truly inspiring and rejuvenating about all of this was that all drama was quickly, quickly drowned out by the perfection of the wedding and the bride and groom's refusal to let other people's bullshit bother them.  The fact that E and I were there together (and I was just meeting many of her relatives for the first time) didn't even register as a talking point (to my ears, anyway).  Everyone was extremely warm and welcoming and both Elmira and Steve were doing their damnedest to outdo the other by being nice to me (which was very fun).  And the bride and groom were/are so perfectly suited to one another, so much in love, and so on top of everything, that it just put the rest of us at ease.  The wedding had the most incredible adult-cool-celebration vibe and it just lifted everyone else up the whole time.

The venue didn't hurt either!  It was held at the bride's family home located on the shore of Lake Ontario and I've seriously never been to a nicer place in my life:

Friends, the above is not a postcard.  It is a snapshot of the bride's lawn. For reals.

 (Yeah, I wore the same thing to MR-C's wedding.  I'll wear this to your wedding too, if you want!)

Monty even put in an appearance towards the midnight mark and shocked and delighted all with his aggressive-aggressive style.

It was a really, really fun wedding!  I feel great!

Now - to recover from the hangover.  And find a way to watch the opening ceremonies of those Olympics that I've been hearing so much about!