Buns

I put my back out lifting a bottle of conditioner. I have learned two things: 1) my penchant for buying in bulk has gotten out of control; and 2) I fucking need to exercise regularly - at least to the point that my core strength is above that of a jellyfish. If only I had kept up with the Yoga for Cancer Survivors regimen! I have all kinds of plans for a new-and-improved me when I can move again.

In other, kinda strange, news: my grandmother's house is scheduled for demo asap! The offer was made in January, paperwork ensued, I had to find a lawyer and get a bunch of shit notarized in March, a building permit was applied for, another buttload of paperwork needed to be done, somebody asked me for a voided cheque, I sent it and waited longer, and BOOM! an obscene amount of money appeared in my bank account. My father has forbidden me to touch any of it on pain of death until his tax-related scheme goes through or one of us is arrested (is he hiding money from the government by making me hold it for him?) but I know that some percentage of this lump sum is mine. Meanwhile, the guy who bought the house is going to have it knocked down as soon as it stops snow-raining in Calgary and will put up a two-storey monstrosity (this is the word my grandmother used for the "dream houses" that were going up in the neighborhood when this trend began in the '90s) that will take up most of the lot, thus eradicating her beloved outdoor clothesline, garden, and crabapple tree. Though, to be fair, I'm sure my sister "eradicated" all these things long ago and probably demolition is the only way to keep the place from biohazard status post soror's departure.

It's all hard to think about. Short of me moving back to Calgary and renovating the place myself (I don't even think my grandmother would have been onboard for that), this was always the way it was going to go down, so it's silly to feel bad about it now. And the bright side is pretty effing bright: when the dust settles, I think I might have a decent amount to use as a down payment on a house in the 'twa! Which is pretty amazing.

How do you buy a house? This is all a whole new world. Get ready for half-assed-and-perhaps-full-assed house hunting stories in blog updates to follow!

re: trip to the 'paign. My favorite thing about roadtrips (in the US) is being able to buy unfamiliar candy at gas stations along the way - there are so many! Gas stations AND candy. At one pitstop I came back to the car with a massive bag of chocolate bars. Over the course of the next week, I think I allowed E half of one and ate the rest myself. This was noted. It also might help explain why my back went out yesterday. I will tell you about all of my finds eventually, but today I want to focus on Buns. Or maybe I should call it The Bun:

Of the chocolate-and-caramel variety of bar, Bun is nothing short of a palm-sized dump of chocolate, gooey filling, and peanuts. Some might find the visual simplicity of the bar itself to be refreshing and rustic (MMS might say quaint):


I find it a bit skeevy. It looks like something I would find Monty guiltily standing beside after I'd heard strange noises and rushed to his location. My first move would be to ask him which end of his the "bun" came out of and go from there. Alls I'm saying is that maybe "Loaf" or "Dump" or "Pile" would be more fitting?

Of course, I still ate both Buns I'd purchased so clearly I wasn't that revolted by the look of them.

The first one I tried was the caramel variety in the first picture. It was okay but not awesome. In one of the bites there was a horrible amount of salt that wrecked the whole thing for me so maybe I just got what should have been a factory reject. I give it a 5/10.

The next day, I tried the vanilla option:

Which was delicious! When I initially bought them, I thought the caramel one would win my heart and I only picked up the vanilla one for completeness but I was so wrong! The vanilla is gorgeous - creamy and tasty and wayyyy more satisfying than caramel. I'd recommend it and give it an 7.5/10. In both varieties, I thought the chocolate was too sweet and not chocolately enough. The company also has a maple kind (says their website) but I didn't see that one in the store.

On the way back to Balto, we stopped in to see everyone's favorite Roumanian! Not Ceausescu, the other one. The non-Pompilia one, the one living in historic Frostburg, MD. It was a great visit! The town is built on a hill (maybe the locals call it a mountain but in my world, no treeline=no mountain) and surrounding valley. MG-W and family have a lovely house, located very close to the top of the hill-mountain (no risk of flooding!). My very favorite thing about their house is the fact that the road outside of it is on -- I'm NOT joking -- a 60 degree angle down the hill-mountain. It is awesome. When their son is old enough, I'm certain he will be able to toboggan anywhere he wants to in the town and maybe the state. In short, Frostburg pitstop was excellent.
In closing, I feel the need to inform my readers that my new favorite country, Azerbaijan, won the Eurovision contest this year in Dusseldorf which means that, among other things, the event will be held in Baku next year. I emailed my congratulations to the ambassador and he emailed back, "Thank you very much." Now he knows I'm a moron for sure because I follow Eurovision. I hope he doesn't take any more of my classes and he's probably thinking the same thing. Here is the winning effort:

Midwestern Tour '11

Midwestern Roadtrip 2011 was a complete success! The bar for success was this: 1) Monty came along and was not lost or harmed nor did he perpetrate violence on others (human, canine, the newly born, the unborn, etc); 2) I commenced, wearing the appropriate attire at the appropriate ceremony, and did not trip or have spontaneous diarrhea or fall into an orchestra pit (because that would have been far-fetched and stupid) during The Walk; 3) my parents witnessed said commencement! which was the entire reason for the roadtrip in the first place; 4) there were no public meltdowns and everyone played nice; and 5) we got to see several long lost friends (who are not actually lost, just living in the midwest). It was a pretty decent little road trip!

First revelation of trip: MR-C is for realz pregnant. The facebook photo isn't just some photoshopping wizardry. [E read this over my shoulder and said, "Are there fake facebook pregnancy pictures out there?" She's asking the good questions because as far as I know the answer is no.] Like the awesome trooper she is, Pregger MR-C took us to a fun Chicago gastropub called Revolution Brewery (http://revbrew.com/), stood for an hour secretly starving while we Ernie and I drank ourselves silly, and drove us all home.

There were a number of food highlights at RevBrew but here is a picture of the Bacon Fat Popcorn. Yes, you read that correctly. My cell phone camera makes it look a bit weird, but I assure you it was delicious.

Thank you MR-C and Ernie! We all look forward to Quattro.

Parental stories. There are too many to count. I might need to work through the memories via animated robots. I promise to post results. Until then, here's one anecdote.

The nearest hotel I could find rooms in was in Danville - the Sleep Inn (I'd recommend it). At first glance, this appears to be a picture of nothing:

At second glance, also a picture of nothing. But here's the story. This is a picture of the Big Boy restaurant, located across the parking lot from the Sleep Inn. My parents and I patronized this eating establishment twice. Both times we drove there. That's correct. My father picked us all up in front of the hotel in their minivan and we drove 40m (131 feet) to the Big Boy, a restaurant that my dad declared to be his favorite of all time because you can get 3 eggs, 3 strips of bacon, 3 pieces of toast, PLUS hashbrowns for $3.99. As he asked us many times, "How can you beat that?" You can't, you just can't.

Bmore still 'more

So have spent some time acclimatizing to the city of charm and can report that everything is pretty much the same as when I left it.

Penn Station, check:
Art school's garbage continues to be fascinating:

Yes, it's a giant ball (globe?) made of real grass. I love those crazy art kids, always up to some kind of bullshit.

In the first week back to the B'more, have been gallantly trying to eat as much of the wonderful food Mount Vernon has to offer (Iggies, Aloha Sushi, Thai Landing, Kooper's Chowhound Truck) because -- alas -- soon E will have to move away from the happening city and into sleepy suburbia. It's just wayyyyyy too expensive to continue living downtown and the commute+parking payments are beginning to wear on her usually sunny disposition.

Thursday, we leave for 12.5 hrs roadtrip to Chambana!

Back in Charm City!

Montino and I have made it to Baltimore! The drive was gorgeous and easy. By going straight south for 9 hours, we literally drove from the last dregs of harsh winter into the glories of mid-spring! Trees blossomed and sprouted leaves in a matter of hours, the grass went from gravel-brown to lush green and what was barren landscape became young fields. It was like when you're flying cross-country and you witness the sun rising or setting in accelerated fashion. I would highly recommend it, especially when the side you end up on is all goodness and light!

To head off your first question, the answer is: he was a prince. He obtained one quarter of a two cheeseburger meal somewhere in Pennsylvania and spent the rest of the trip sleeping it off. Indeed, if your next question pertains to how Monty is adjusting to being back in the country of his origin, here is the answer in photographic form:
He totally doesn't give a crap where he is as long as there is A) food, B) a comfortable place to sleep, and C) one or more of his people around.

His people include not only E and me but also MMS, AIB, and, of course, his favorite person of all-time, mfree. Indeed, one of the best things about the drive between the 'Twa and Balto is that the halfway point is Binghamton, NY, known far and wide as Home of Mfree. Through dramatic glances, Monty kept saying, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" all the way to Bingbong.

He would not be disappointed. Mfree has scored some awesome digs until August and we enjoyed a one night convalencense in Bingo, becoming reacquainted with Pumpkin, whatever the cat is called, and BunBun the Bunny.
Mfree also took us to her office on campus and I can honestly say that it is the most tricked out academic office I have ever witnessed (and I've seen some shit in other people's offices, let me tell you, including breast pumps, exercise bikes, flip-and-fucks, full-on couches, microfilm readers, and three-monitor setups):

The minute I walked into it, I started laughing uncontrollably and she said, "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!?!" And then she said, "Oh, well, I guess the drapery is a bit much." It's not just drapery, it's a luxury windowsill for dogs that eighteenth-century nabobs would envy. There's also a mini-fridge stocked with bubbly water of several varieties and every corner of the office has delicious snacks (fruit roll-ups and white cheddar popcorn) stashed somewhere. If this was my office, people would only see me when I left it to go to the bathroom. In other words, I would become Lazlo Hollyfeld (as played by Jon Gries in the 1985 cable-favorite and early Val Kilmer klassic Real Genius).
We also took the dogs for a giant walk up a ridiculously steep hill and Monty ran like the hunter he is through the woods, discovering a deer. The deer actually lost its shit upon being discovered and bounded away from the tiny warrior -- Monty has had a sparkle in his eye ever since.
Monty is the indecipherable white dot in the very center of this photo. He's on the hunt. Also, this pic tots reminds me of Silence of the Lambs.

The Mfree stopover might have had something to do with the Sleeping-Like-He's-Completely-Exhausted pic of Montoya I uploaded at the beginning of this entry.

But we're here!!! Balto update to follow but suffice it to say: YES!!! I LOVE IT HERE!!!