Welkom New Year!

I just have this feeling that 2011 is going to be epic and awesome. There is little empirical evidence to support this theory: the job market is The Shits, US (and world politics in general) seem to be slipping into new levels of FUBAR, bizarre and disastrous weather abounds everywhere, etc etc, I don't really have to go on with this list. BUT I'm holding out hope - perhaps ill-founded, ill-fated hope - that something good might happen too. DADT was done away with, right?

Don't worry, I'm not preparing for the Rapture or anything. [Aside: one of my great uncles went down that road decades ago. Thinking that the End Was Nigh, he gathered up his family and took refuge in the storm cellar. He, Aunt Hazel, and their two daughters, subsisted on saskatoon berries (horrible, small, sour, rock-like blueberry knockoffs) for 2 weeks until the police finally found them. The whole family had turned blue from the all-berry diet. No one really talks about them anymore - I wonder what ever happened to that side of the family?]

Anyway, while the Good Things about 2011 are waiting to be revealed, I've decided to make some New Years Resolutions to keep me occupied in the meantime:

1. Be more like Monty.

Monty is awesome! Even though he has phenomenally bad hair (the faux-hawk never fails to elicit reactions of "Whoa! What happened to your dog?" and "Do you cut his hair that way?") he totally doesn't give a crap and struts it down the street like he owns the neighborhood. If he has a problem, he bites it. Doesn't matter if it's the dog upstairs or itchy hindquarters or an unknown threat, he goes in guns blazing and apologizes later. Once, Monty defeated Chuck Norris with a roundhouse bite to the head. His problem-solving is the epitome of direct: if there's something you want and it's encased in other stuff, you chew through it all until you get your treat or you die trying. Either way, get 'er done. Monty does nothing half-assed. When he's taking a nap, he's fully committed - he's not worrying about other shit like emails and to-do lists. He's enjoying the Best.Nap.Ever.Everytime. He will do whatever he needs to do to be as comfortable as possible - whether that's about jumping up on something, building self a nest out of surrounding materials, or digging a hole in the rug. There's no sense being uncomfy if you don't have to be. Finally, he celebrates the small victories as well as the large ones: breakfast, belly-rubs, having a great crap, biscuits, the promise of a walk, seeing friends... all of this is both quotidian and pretty fucking amazing in his world. Monty is my hero!

[Aside: Monty rules, no question. You know what also rules? Ducks. Historians might look back on my previous blog entry re: duck superiority as an uncanny primary source for the Beginning of the End of the Age of Humankind and the Rise of the Reign of Duck. They will read my words and say things like, "Even before the Duck Emperor took control of Earth, humans worshiped le Canard." Because the time of the duck is beginning, my friends. I have the evidence:

Don't they all look delicious?]

2. Try to become an ethical consumer.

Holy shit. I don't even know how to do this. Example: my local, family-owned grocery store sometimes doesn't have precious organic, co-op produced milk. Would the ethical consumer get in their car and drive to the impersonal grocery store chain to get the precious milk or buy the nasty-yet-available-in-walking-distance independent-grocer milk? Or not drink milk? Also, how many times a day can I ask myself questions of this kind about how many products before I go completely insane? I don't know how this one is going to work out. But I suspect, if I stick to my resolution, I will be eating a lot less meat and sugar and a lot more fair trade items. And walking lots. I'm sure this experiment will be the subject of future blog updates.

3. Do my job better.

This one isn't that imaginative and goes right up there on the "Duh" list alongside Floss More and Exercise. But it bears typing out and chiseling in impermanent digital media.

Happy New Year, everyone!