Mine to Discover!

Voila! After months of procrastination and bureaucratic crazy (let's just say Alberta Registry isn't getting an Xmas present from me this year. For some reason they had my car registered as leased from a company I've never heard of and it was an ordeal to convince Ontario that I wasn't scamming the system by taking a leased car and registering it in a different province as one I owned. Wtf? Again, I must have been some kind of giant bureaucratic asshole in a former life to warrant this randomness, I can see that of self) my car is finally legit! So dog registration, check! Car registration, check! Self registration, no check. Still need healthcare and voting privileges. But slowly and surely, my re-entry to Canehda is progressing.

Okay, I may have doctored the image above to be a more awesome license plate than the one I actually have. But let us not dwell on that. Let us dwell, instead, on the motto that is Ontario's. It's not about beauty, great or numerous lakes, wild roses, falling stars, amber waves of any kind, Lincoln, being first in anything, showing anybody anything, or sunshine. No, Ontario is mine to discover. And yours, too, for that matter.

It's got me thinking that I've been coming at this moving-to-Ottawa thing all wrong. I keep feeling like it's a step backwards, like I'm reliving my undergrad/MA from a strange and detached vantage point where I'm the prof this time but everything else -- even me -- is the same as 1999. Like this is some recurring nightmare and I'll wake up and be back in the US with E, grumbling about my advisor and working on my diss.

But this isn't true! Things are completely different and I'm living in a new place I barely know anything about and it's mine to discover!

There are things about the US that I will have to let go of. 1) Easy access to alcohol. Oh, how I miss being able to buy all manner of alcohol at supermarkets! Illinois, I heart you for that. Even in Maryland, there were at least 4 liquor stores within walking distance of our apartment. Sigh. 2) Interesting and delicious chocolate bars and intriguing baked goods like whoopie pies and things from Li'l Debbie. 3) Consumer choice in general (especially when it comes to cereals and other pre-packaged products) and crazy low prices for things I might actually want. Zellers, you are no Target.

BUT, there *must* be things, Ontario things, that can fill the void, no?


In that spirit, I got myself a Brio, an Ontario staple, apparently:

The motto, obscured by my camera's flash, is "Like No Other Soft Drink." True. I mean, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. It tasted a bit like Dr. Pepper mixed with bitter lavender soap. That is to say, it kind of tasted like ass, but not enough to stop me from drinking the whole can. I later regretted it, however. I give Brio a 4/10; I do not want to drink it again.

But I must keep the faith that there are 10s out there, waiting for me to discover. And you too, for that matter.

I have not found those awesome Ontario things yet so in lieu of telling you about triumphs, I will post these entertaining clips from Helen Mirren and Tracey Ullman pretending to be Helen Mirren. And then pretending to be Jodie Foster.