Meryl Streep's Barnard Commencement Speech

What do you say to a bunch of Barnard grads if you're Meryl Streep?

The Gooch continues to not let me go in peace: a plagiarism case sprang up and now a decidedly mediocre sophomore is asking for advice about getting a history PhD. Plagiarism = easy but what do you say to the second one? WWMerylStreepD?

Also, I checked my Ecosphere and there are only 2 seamonkeys left! Am horrible sea monkey parent, because started with 4 medium ones and now have 2 largish ones. Who knows when the crime took place?!! Is like in Trainspotting.

Have not left the house in days. Don't know the number. Shut up. No, you shut up.

Poor E has to attend the Gooch's commencement today wearing full faculty regalia in +30C temperatures and with full-on sunshine! She gets sunstroke taking the dog out to pee so I can't imagine how she's holding up - eek. Am expecting an angry, tall cherry tomato to come walking through the door any minute.