Last week I heroically jumped in my car and drove back to the 'twa for one day of meetings. Then I turned around and drove back again. I thought someone at my place of business would notice that I hadn't been to my office for a month but apparently not. I gave two of the admin assistants special hallowed chocolate from the road (MalloCups, the most delicious of the gas station chocolate bar selections) but they didn't seem interested. One said, "Oh, I suppose there's no calories in this." I didn't ask for it back but I wanted to. In the end, I didn't tell anyone about my transnational commute because they would have given my story a zero (isn't it at least a 2?) or more likely would have interrupted mine with a story of their own summer plan to do vital research in Kitchener.
I don't know what I was expecting (a parade? red carpet? some kind of spontaneous enthusiasm?) but I didn't get it. Turns out I'm really not that big a deal. [Aside: Wm+k8 will grace the 'twa for July 1 this year, the city is aflutter. They = actual big deal, it turns out. But will they be bringing MalloCups? I think not.]
My non-reception was sobering and I'm not sure if it mattered at all that I attended said meetings, aside from gaining more insight into dept culture and what a few of my colleagues haven't been reading. Nevertheless, I learned an extremely important lesson from all of this, one that appears in most fortune cookies and the opening credits of The United States of Tara, which I watch every week [excellent show - if you're not watching it and/or Nurse Jackie, I don't know what is wrong with you]. After 34+ years and a roadtrip to Ottawa, I think I'm finally getting it:
Ya just gotta enjoy the ride. Especially in this business because we all know that milestones are some made up b.s.
The drive to and from the 'twa was awesome! Solo road trips can rock for the following reasons:
1) Singing. You can sing as loudly and as soulfully as you want, to whatever music you want, with complete impunity. Duets unfit for other human ears include: me and Freddie Mercury, me and kd lang (I attempted to sing harmony which was astoundingly unsuccessful), me and Matt Berninger (truly awful), and me and Tori Amos (for realz, "beyond wailing" is how I would describe it). I enjoyed every second. I also carseat-danced to James Brown as I attempted to get up off of that thang but I didn't think that was worthy of its own numbered bullet point.
2) Pit stops! These United States have brought us wonderful rest stops with clean, working bathrooms and gas stations full of anything you could want: uppers; downers; showers; a gentlemen's club in close proximity; intriguing chocolate bars; dangerously compelling pastries made by L'il people; hygiene products for men, women and pets; every kind of jerky, coffee, hot dog, or deep-fried goodness under heaven; all legalish tobacco or alcohol-related products (snuff? I'm sure they have it); DVDs; DVD players; toy guns and rubber balls so the family road trip can become *super fun*; and mace. Some even have fresh fruit! You truly never know what you will find on offer at a gas station. For those financiers out there, here's my pitch for an independent film: a roadtrip docu-dramedy wherein for one year the characters must live in their cars, ONLY subsisting on goods purchased at gas stations found en route to Somewhere Else. Some will die of malnutrition, others will thrive, everyone will have ill-fitting T-shirts. We can intersperse this story with interviews of actual truckers who live this way all the time. Good, right? It's possible this movie already exists and is just in my netflix queue. If you want to finance this film then awesomesauce! I waive all my creative fees and rights under one condition: n8 plays The Bandit.
3) Gorgeous scenery and roads less travelled. On the way back, I veered off the interstate path so that I could hit State College, PA before getting to Balto. Best. Decision. Ever. I ended up driving through Ithaca and found myself winding through Pennsylvannia on US-15: amazing. The stretch of route between Gettysburg and Charlottesville has been renamed the "Journey Through Hallowed Ground" to attract Civil War pilgrims, but don't let that scare you off - the scenery along the whole highway is absolutely incredible. The day I drove it was a little bit foggy but still sunny - this made the surrounding forests and hills look especially vast and important, like a scenery shot in Land of the Lost or Last of the Mohicans or New World Movie X of the Y. Perhaps the highway gets clogged when the kiddies get of out of school but there was no one else on the trail when I drove it. Very cool. I can't post a picture because I was busy driving and singing but a snapshot wouldn't do it justice anyway. Yes, I eventually got stuck behind a camper and 4 Harley-clad weekend warriors but I was just enjoying the ride, man! The only downside to getting off the interstates was that when the GPS crapped out ("lost satellite reception"), as it did intermittently for the whole trip, I was really effing lost. But whatevs, I got here. We're definitely going back that way in July. US-15 - I'd recommend it!
4) Friend Pit Stops! Here's the best part of the trip: on the way up I saw mf in Bingo and on the way back I saw J&S in State College. Yes! State College is actually the name of the town. Yes, it's built around a state college!
In Bingo, we took Pumpkin to a fun dog park. Mf lost a key (loose key). Here is a pic of her looking for it. The pic is really of the terrain in which she lost it:
We did not find the key. Here is a pic of J and me by a State College monument. Identifying eyes have been blotted out to preserve internet anonymity and emphasize my ill-fitting pants.
State College is small but not un-awesome. There I learned to heart a new frozen treat: Rita's Gelati, which is delicious Italian ice PLUS frozen custard. Like the most wonderful creamsicle in the world.The ride was good times!
