The Crap TV I Love

It's no secret that I watch a lot of crap TV. I really do. But I like to think of myself as a certain kind of crap TV connoisseur. I don't go in for the let's-follow-a-whatever-grade-celeb-around-for-no-reason genre or the Housewives of Anywhere or basically any program that is designed to pair up real people famous-people-wannabes. I research the Quotidian Banal of the Kinda Famous too much in my job to seek it out on my television. I can't watch the dancing shows anymore or American Idol either.

We've already discussed Legend of the Seeker. En par with LOTS, and for basically the same reason, would be:

I tried to find an ensemble pic with the rest of the cast but I couldn't, so maybe this promo tells you all of what you need to know about how they're selling Nikita. I should also include Covert Affairs here
because it's a similar thing and the lead, Piper Perabo, is Canadian, something the promos continually mention, as if the actress is doing her patriotic duty by pretending to be an American character for an American network.

Both series are based on movie franchise premises - Nikita is smarter and darker (that doesn't mean it's smart) and Covert Affairs only promises to be smarter and darker at some point wayyy in a future that will never happen because we know the central character will win in the end and continue to look pretty. Interestingly, both shows hinge on the relationship between two central female characters (Nikita and Alex in Nikita and Joan and Annie in Covert Affairs) and both have a supporting male hovering in the background (Michael in Nikita, Augie in Covert) to distract us from this fact.

Both shows are ridiculous and disposable but I would argue in a quality way. I prefer Nikita to Covert Affairs and there is plenty of Canadian content in both.

Okay, that was it for the high-brow portion of this blog post because now, here are the real guilty pleasures. ie/ Shows I watch that I fully concede have no value whatsoever but if they're on, I am drawn to the television screen like an undergrad to the phrase "this will be on the test." Basically anything on the Outdoor Life Network (only in Canada - on a number of levels) that isn't about a man eating himself into a coma or baiting snakes will enthrall me. This includes and is not limited to:

1) Ghosthunters. I KNOW!! I KNOW!!! But I fucking love it. AND it scares the crap out of me. I KNOW!!! I KNOW!!! I can't defend it. It is a TOTAL waste of time. I love it so much!


2) Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura. He totally has me convinced about the 9/11 coverup and shit! His level of seriousness is similar to Gary Busey's level of seriousness and that's mesmerizing.

3) Mantracker

No! It's not some program about lazy twenty-somethings who want to entrap a millionaire into some kind of marriage or child support scenario. This isn't Bravo.

It's a show about this dude (cowboy pictured above) who gets to track hunt human prey. He hunts them and ropes them. Almost always the prey are two smug irreverent cityslickers who might be weekend warrior types but don't know shit about shit. And that's when Mantracker hunts them down and ropes them. It is so satisfying when he wins! He is noble and strong and silent while his prey are hipster douchebag stoners who think they can outsmart generations of cowboy-knowhow with their smartass videogame logic. They are yellow-bellied and lily-livered. It really shouldn't be an hour long. But it is.

I suddenly realize that my television-watching habits might indicate me as the next Unibomber. Judging from the commercials I see most frequently, I'm definitely supposed to be buying a truck and worrying about erectile disfunction.

[Aside: Q: Why haven't you mentioned Deadliest Catch in this post, D?!? A: Because DC isn't crap television, it is all quality.]