Point, Universe

The ratio of dogs to humans in my neighborhood has to be about 1:2; there's no window between the hours of 7am and 11pm where one can take an antisocial pet such as Sir Montagu out for a quick tiptoe through the tulips dead Canadian grass without running into somebody's lab retriever cross of some kind. Monty flips out when he sees other dogs - it's not an attractive quality and we've been working on it for a while now (kind of like how I'm working on my "manuscript"). Though the meltdowns have simmered down to just 15 sec of uber-aggressive insanity, that's not really enough of a change to consider him even mildly okay with other dogs. This usually isn't a problem unless the other dog is off his or her leash (technically illegal in these parts) and then I have to pick up Monty while Other Dog passes. Montoya is about 15 lbs; labs are usually about 40+ lbs. The owners are forever saying, "Oh, it's okay, he won't bite." Ah, yeah, my dog's safety is not really what I'm worried about, gullible lab people. Montoya, regardless of his small size and cuteness, will seriously *fuck your dog up* - put it on a leash (like you're supposed to) or watch the fur fly. There's only been a couple of these incidents and none have occurred since Mister has come back to town, for the record. Thus, the occasional off-leash transgression is usually the only problem we have with such a heavily dog-populated area.

That was until yesterday afternoon. It seems there has been a spate of Unattended Poop incidents in the 'hood, lately, and, of course, the rental properties (ie/ my triplex) have been the hardest hit because everyone knows that only transients and perverts rent in Ottawa (see my previous posts) and so why bother to pick up your dog's poop if it happens on a rental property? Montoya and I came home from our walk to find a big steaming pile of neighborliness awaiting us in the middle of our building's front walk. Not on the grass, not on the side of the grass, exactly in the middle of front walk, a couple of steps in.

It couldn't have been more strategically placed.

Now, I'm a big fan of strategic placement on the whole. My favorite thing to do in MarioKart is drop bananas on ramps and just before or after question mark boxes so as to do the most damage.


Mister and I saw the offensive pile. While he was enraptured, I thought to myself, "I should pick this up. Someone will step on this." Then I didn't do anything and went inside my building.

Why didn't I do anything???? Oh cruel, cruel regret.

Poor naked wretches, wheresoe'er you are,
That bide the pelting of this pitiless storm,
How shall your houseless heads and unfed sides,
Your loop'd and window'd raggedness, defend you
From seasons such as these? O, I have ta'en
Too little care of this! Take physic, pomp;
Expose thyself to feel what wretches feel,
That thou mayst shake the superflux to them,
And show the heavens more just.
King Lear Act 3, scene 4, 28–36

I made a mental note to never, ever use the front walk again. Then I took delight (oh, rue!) in the thought of my downstairs neighbour (whom I dislike, she's probably a transient or pervert) perhaps stepping in the poop. Then I went to bed.

Of course, I forgot all about said incident.

Until next day when I opened my front door to the most foul, horrible, acrid smell in the world wafting through my entire building. My *upstairs* neighbour must have come home in the middle of the night and stepped directly into the massive poop and then proceeded to come into the building, check his or her mailbox, come up the first landing, walk by my door, and proceed up the steps to his or her apartment, somehow unknowingly smearing fresh, fresh dogshit everywhere along the way.

Rue! Rue!!! I should have acted when I had the chance because now I don't even want to think about what must happen to make this all okay. Rue. Epic human decency PLUS foresight fail on my part, goddamnit.