Not Downton Abbey

Some of you have asked me for updates on Cousin Jeff - is he still in jail? Is he using?  How's the rest of the family dealing with his incarceration? Things of that nature.  Well, hopefully this post can, if not confront the question directly, at least add some more context to the ripple effect that is Cousin Jeff.  Or is Cousin Jeff just a ripple effect of something else?

Let us begin with a chart or, how I like to think of it, the "cast of characters":

Sorry for the blurriness - I don't know how to work Organizational Chart very well. Click on the chart for a better view.

Where to begin the tale?  Well, as far as I know, Cousin Jeff is still in jail but his possibility for parole is high and everyone is terrified for the moment when he is allowed back on the streets.  There is conflicting info re: if he is taking this prison opportunity to get clean or if he is still using.

Anyhow, word in the family is that Mic and Joan (sisters) are feuding. I don't mean any low-level disagreement, this is some serious shit.  Both of them are well into their 80s now so they have nothing else going on that can distract them from this feud and they both live in the same small town so they can pull everyone else down with them.

Let's put some faces to the names.

Joan:

 And Mic:

So many great-grandkids, so little time.

Okay, so many months ago my mother went to Cousin Bonnie's wedding (don't even get me started on that because everyone thought that Bonnie, who must be pushing 50, was NEVER going to get married and everyone agrees that the dude she's married is a gold digger) and it was clear that Joan and Mic were NOT getting along.  Joan would enter the reception hall and Mic would be compelled to go for a walk.  Mic would come back and Joan would get tired and need to go back to her hotel.  Everyone thought for a bit that it was because Joan was pissed at Jock (their brother) because Jock refused to remove his trucker hat for the reception (or was it the wedding ceremony?).  I include a pic of Jock for completeness:

It follows that Joan would be angry at Jock for wearing the hat but angrier at Mic for not making Jock take the hat off.

It was like a jr high dance all over again, especially because neither Joan nor Mic can drive and basically need assistance to do anything so if they want to go somewhere, it takes several people to make it happen.

But, while Joan was indeed annoyed at Jock for the hat, it was a much deeper feud than that.  Apparently, Joan and husband Johnny had been playing Bridge with Mic and someone else at the Three Hills Seniors Bridge Tournament when Johnny made a play or a bid or something (here the details get fuzzy because neither my mother nor I know fuck-all about Bridge so it's hard to properly appreciate the levity of the transgression) and Mic stated that it was a play that was somehow in the wrong and then *stood up* and loudly complained that Johnny had made an illegal move.  Johnny denies that his play was illegal because something-or-other was "trumps" but Mic is adamant that a different thing was "trumps."  And be that as it may, did she have to stand up and accuse him of bloody murder with all Seniors in attendance?  But also, from Mic's point of view, she has a Duty to point out Unrighteousness whereever she sees it, especially when the intergrity of the Three Hills Seniors Bridge Tournament is implicated.

Johnny has pledged never to talk to Mic until she apologizes for falsely accusing him in such a public way.  Mic, for her part, refuses to apologize because she was not the cheater and once Johnny confesses that he was in the wrong then perhaps they can begin to move forward.  Such is the Three Hills Cold War, which began, like, 9 months ago. 

Joan and Johnny upped the stakes considerably by putting their very souls in jeopardy when they began refusing to take Communion because Mic, a Deacon, assists the Minister in preparing Communion.  And given that they're all older than dirt, this is a ballsy time to go thumbing your nose to the establishment.  So it's a bit of a scandal.

THEN THIS HAPPENED.  I will now turn to the primary text (ie/ hearsay from Cousin Alison, Mic's daughter, gained via email) for the raw narrative:

"Apparently Joan had been suggesting to mom [ie/ Mic] that she write a letter to Johnny to apologize but not to specifically mention the bridge game.  Mom said she would think about it so on Sunday Joan asked mom again if she had written the letter and mom said no but she was thinking about it.  So they were in the room off the front of the church called the vestry and there were two other people in the room but they had their backs turned and were talking separately.  Joan had left the room and then came back a few minutes later and mom doesn’t remember really what if anything was said before Joan made a fist and struck mom in the jaw.  Mom said the imprint of Joan’s ring was marked on her face for most of this week.  She is going to get Tim to take a picture of it today. 

 

Mom did go to the Drumheller police (didn’t want the Three Hills police to get involved !!) and made a report.  The woman officer said that mom could charge Joan with assault causing injury which is a serious charge.  Mom isn’t sure if she wants to go that far yet but she has agreed to have the police go and talk to Joan and make her aware of the seriousness of her actions.  If mom goes ahead with the charge, Joan could plead guilty and pay a fine or plead not guilty and go to court.  Mom is going to call the police this morning and tell them to go ahead with speaking to Joan about this and then see where they go from there.

I will keep you in touch and let me know if you hear anything from your side.  I am actually really impressed with Jock as he had stepped up and is protecting mom.  He was going to go to the police himself if mom didn’t and he has called her almost every night to check on her.

 

Talk to you later,

 

Ali"

 

So there you have it.  What did Mic say?!??! My mother has been endeavoring to get to the bottom of this and feels there is some HEAVY subtext.  And here's where the story all comes together: it seems that because Mic was and perhaps still is giving all her money to Cousin Jeff, foolishly believing all of his lies instead of understanding that she's just enabling his drug addiction, she is BROKE and has been leaning on Joan and Johnny to float her some friendly cash here and there.  How much cash?  That's the question.  But finally Joan had enough with being nice and decided it was time not to be nice.

To whom will Joan take a shotgun when Cousin Jeff gets out of jail?  OR will Joan find herself in jail and develop a drug habit of her own?  Will Jock ever take his hat off? Will Alison and the woman officer from Drumheller runnoft together?  When will Shirley MacLaine show up?  Stay tuned, friends, stay tuned.