No, really, what have you been doing?

Okay, I'll post a proper update! It was silly of me to neglect it.

1. Skating is actually pretty fun! I never would have guessed it. I'll go ahead and say that Prof H and I are definitely tied with fellow adult beginner Vanessa for Best in Show Class because we effing rock the backwards crossover. Oh, you read that correctly, bitches: backwards crossovers. I've done TWO so far and Prof H likely dozens. Drills that aren't a good idea in ABC (Adult Beginner Class) include Skate Soccer (blood bath, I went down hard) and anything else having to do with a ball. Yep - we skated on the Canal! MH many times, in earnest, E and I once. Now that the weather has turned Slightly Above Freezing the Canal is closed. Slightly Above Freezing is the worst, it ruins anything good there is about winter: it is too warm to maintain decent snow and ice for snow-and-ice activities but too cold to do anything else. Things melt during the day and freeze at night turning the sidewalks into injury traps and it takes several minutes to decide which coat to wear. SAF temps are the shits.

Here are Night Canal pics. I "blemish removed" MH's eyes to maintain internet anonymity and the bottom pic is E purchasing delicious deep-fried, sugary goodness en français at the skate-up Beaver Tails stand (after I screamed like a toddler so she would buy me stuff). Yes, Beaver Tails, you read that correctly.

Best part of Canal skating.

For other Embracing the Winter! magic, I offer you this excellent video:

2. Purchases that have changed my life for the better!

Exhibit A: The Mandolin Kitchen Slicer. It is wonderful! To head off your first question: No! I haven't cut off any fingers yet or sustained any other injuries due to the guillotine-like quality of the mandolin slicer. The avocado-pitting incident of '04 (was it really that long ago! YIKES), was enough to make me super paranoid about kitchen cutting of any kind so I am very careful. What the mandolin has really given me is the ability to make the same fruits and vegetables I receive every week (3 apples, 3 *hard* pears, 1 shitpile of carrots, 2 disturbingly large parsnips, 1 bag of potatoes, 1 cucumber, and 2 tomatoes) seem new and exciting. Case in point: the fun mandolin salad pictured below! Which is just an apple and a pear but looks more fun than that.


Exhibit B: my sweet-ass Zojirushi bread maker that produces delicious 1 lb loaves. I *LOVE* it. The loaves are sufficiently small so that I don't feel pressure to eat bread morning and night before it goes bad and I can add grated carrots to the recipe to get rid of my carrot stockpile. I love it. Number of loaves made since purchasing bread maker: dozens! Too many to count! I love it.

Yes, the $284 worth of liquor I purchased in December 2011 combined with my bread maker and vegetable delivery means that the only thing I need to leave my house for, now, is toilet paper. I am one step closer to realizing my Shut In Dream!

3. Products that have not changed my life

Exhibit A: Snowshoes. They look awesome right? Snowshoeing is kind of exactly like walking. Only you're walking on top of deep snow. The thrill of walking on top of deep snow like Legolas goes away after about 5 minutes and then you're just left with a feeling of walking. Also, Monty can't follow so well and he's usually the reason that I'm out walking in the first place so while I don't rule out the awesome of the snowshoe in my life, it hasn't happened yet. Maybe when the Winter season as a yearly phenomenon is a thing of the past, we will all look back on these snowshoes with awe and reverence. But so far they've just been taking up space in my front hallway. I admit to purchasing them because E was purchasing the ice skates that I wanted but they didn't have in my size and in a fit of skate-envy I decided I really needed cool-looking snowshoes.

Exhibit B: The Apple Wireless Mouse. Eff you, you effing piece of Ess, Wireless Mouse! It keeps becoming "Disconnected" for no good reason and requires a battery change all too often. So I have my wired mouse on hand for whenever the iMaus of the Future craps out and I don't feel like spending several minutes fussing over getting it connected again. I'm so glad I didn't go the way of the wireless keyboard. Also - wtf do we need wireless keyboards and mouses/mice for? This goes along with my puzzlement over the remote control toilet flusher I saw a lot of in Japan. Because I am relatively close to my computer and toilet when I am using them, I do not require wireless options for their functions. Others may do things differently.

I now have to prepare my talk for JASNA. Yep, http://www.jasna.org/. Because that's my life now.